Dear Subarashi-san,
Hello, my Japanese friend. Or, as they say in the Land of the Rising Sun, KONNICHIWA ^___^~!!!!!!!
My name is Cid Turner. You may know me from the company that we’re both currently working for: Supreme Championship Wrestling. I’m a member of the SCW Hall of Fame, but after seeing you exorcise the demon from the lesser Helms at Rise to Greatness and take care of that scary chick Cassidy Carter, I’m starting to feel like my accomplishments pale in comparison to the work you’re currently doing. Sure, I’ve won titles. I’ve headlined big shows. In a way, I’m immortal… but does it really matter, in the end? I’ve never actually helped anyone, like you have.
All I’ve done is hurt.
My father, Chad Evans.
My children, Matt Hodges and James Exeter.
My friends, Sid Kipling and that little bitch Jay Gold.
And if I’m being completely honest, I’m scared I’ll hurt my new friend, Asher Hayes.
Is this just who I am? All of these things I tell myself about BEING BETTER or FEELING BETTER, am I just bullshitting myself? Am I just destined to be this way for the rest of my life? Always ready to betray, always ready to look for a shortcut for short term gain, always alone? Am I doomed to forever suffer sleepless nights, haunted by my past – and perhaps future – failures? Do I even deserve anything better?
These are the questions I ask myself and I’m getting sick of asking them.
I need your help, Demon Slayer.
Multiple medical professionals have said that there’s nothing physically wrong with me, at least using the standards set for someone in our profession. I’m good to go in the ring. Now, my personal doctor has unofficially diagnosed me with something called ‘ANXIETY’. After a brief search on the internet, I’ve learned that it’s something created by the millenials to excuse them from having to deal with the real world and all of its hardships. Seeing as my doctor is 120 years old, I can only assume he’s been compromised by this millenial agenda in an attempt to appear ‘hip’. It’s all BS.
So, ruling those options out with these extreme physical and mental symptoms that I’m currently presenting, what does that leave?
I have a demon in me, rotting both my brain and my heart, taking pieces out of me until there’s nothing left.
I’m possessed, Subarashi-san. There’s no two ways about it. My thoughts are all over the place. One minute I’m fine, the next minute I’m anything but. I go out to that ring, feeling brave and strong, but I leave it feeling too scared to ever go back. Then I get to the top of the ramp and I’m ready to go again. It makes no sense. There’s something festering within me and I don’t know how to stop it.
But you do.
You come from an exotic land and have shown that you not only have immense talent, but you have the unique skill of demon slaying. When you drove your knee into the back of the skull of Jason Helms, I saw exactly what I needed. The proof was only strengthened when I saw you do the exact same thing to Cassidy. I needed to experience the ethereal beauty of having the demon within me slain.
By the time you read this letter, we will likely be just moments away from taking each other on in this monumental ten man tag match. In order to live the full, true experience of a demon slaying, I will not lie down for you. I will fight with every fiber of my being in that ring until we come to the natural conclusion of you bulldozing your knee right through the back of my head, whether you win or lose.
Once you do this for me, you will have cemented your status as a Japanese icon, much like Hello Kitty or Pikachu. More than that, I will consider you a true friend.
Please, Subarashi. You’re my only hope.
Signed,
Cidney F. Turner
PS. I see that you may be teaming with Matt Hodges in this mysterious SCW Tag League. All I ask is that you take care of him. He’s a good kid. He’s just found himself in some trouble. He’ll fight out of it and be better than ever. Please, take care of my adult son.
Cid set the pencil down on the two page letter on his desk and leaned back into his chair, letting out a deep sigh. As he sat in his cozy study surrounded by maybe a hundred books that he had never read, he couldn’t believe that it had come to this. Asking a foreign stranger for help with whatever was ailing him.
Suddenly, Cid’s carer/student/friend Clyde Warner walked into the study to see his master looking thoughtfully at the letter. “Writing Subarashi again?” Clyde asked.
“I think this is it. This is the one. Draft three. Third time’s the charm, friend. I think I’m actually gonna get this one to him before our match.”
“Hold on,” Clyde said as he walked up behind Cid and looked over his shoulder at the scrawlings.
Cid shot forward and covered the letter in a panic, sending the pencil flying to the floor. He looked back angrily at his pupil. “Don’t look, damn it! There’s personal information in this!” Once Subarashi received the handwritten letter, he would be the first person in Cid’s life to know of his doctor’s somewhat official diagnosis of his mental health. Or, in this case, the first person to know that Cid needed an exorcism. He couldn’t put this information into the hands of anyone else but an expert.
“Wait a minute,” Clyde started again as he continued to try and take a look at the letter, “you’ve been writing these in pencil? Who the hell does that? Who even owns a pencil these days?!”
“He communicates with scrolls,” Cid explained as he tidied the papers back together and put them face down. “I’m trying to respect this man’s culture, Clyde.”
“I guess I can’t argue with that,” agreed Clyde as he stepped away from Cid and took a seat on the loveseat in the corner. He chuckled. “Man, that Subarashi is awesome. If you could take me backstage someday, I’d love to have a conversation with the guy. I have to imagine his knowledge of anime is vast. I’d call myself an expert, but he’d probably just make me look entry level in comparison. I’d look like a little Fullmetal Alchemist bitch.”
“I don’t care about your weird hentai crap,” Cid said bluntly as he reached for his pencil and put it back on his desk. He turned his chair around to face Clyde. “I need Subarashi to set me straight. I’m not quite there yet. I’m having some… issues. I’m still not used to performing in front of crowds. Despite A/C Unit taking down those weirdos in The Wonderland, I’m not fully feeling it. That match with Crystal was rough. I couldn’t even go for the shooting star without feeling like I’m going to horrifically injure myself. This match with Subarashi and friends… I think this is what I need to finally get me right.”
Clyde raised his eyebrows, somewhat surprised by this admission. He was having a blast watching his idol back in the ring and thought he was improving every week he was out there. “Well, maybe you’re right. This might be what you need. An exorcision.”
“Exorcism.”
“Yup. That, too,” Clyde said with a nod. He leaned forward, getting closer to Cid, who was still facing the other way at his desk. “I think you should hold off with this Subarashi business though. Like, sure, take part in the match, but just treat it like any other match. Don’t worry about Subarashi. I think focusing on him has the potential to have a… brutal ending. I have something for you that’ll be much easier than facing a Japanese wrestling God.”
“I don’t want easy. I wanna do whatever it takes to set me straight.”
“I hear ya, I hear ya. Look at this, though.” Clyde pulled out his phone and opened an app. Cid turned his chair around to face Clyde, who was now holding his phone towards Cid. Cid looked curiously at the screen. ‘Fiverr’. He raised an eyebrow as Clyde started to explain. “This is Fiverr. It’s an app where you can hire people to do gigs for just five dollars! Now, look at this.”
Clyde brought the phone back to himself and started swiping around on the screen. “Five dollars?” Cid asked as he shook his head, confused at such a concept. “Is this child labor?”
“No, dude,” Clyde replied as he turned the phone back around to Cid. A young, fresh face stared back at Cid. The man looked innocent, although that was probably because he was sporting a clerical collar. “Look at this handsome hero. This is Brother Joshua! For just five dollars, this local Colorado man will come out here and perform the Rite of Exorcism in the comfort of your own home. Five dollars! Look at him,” Clyde said with an exaggerated grin as he pointed at the screen repeatedly, “in his little religious outfit!”
Cid scoffed. “First of all, anyone can wear one of those stupid collars. I’m speaking from experience here. Second, why would I pay this guy five dollars when Subarashi can cleanse me of my demons for free? That’s even better value for money!”
“All right, listen,” Clyde said as he threw his phone on the cushion to the side, looking Cid right in his eyes. “Subarashi is an unpredictable entity. We know he’s capable of slaying demons, but we don’t really know what he’s fully capable of. You could really get hurt out there. There’s no need to do something extreme at Apocalypse. You’ve got a team to back you up. Use them,” Clyde suggested. Cid couldn’t help but feel it was good advice. Getting a knee to the back of the head did sound unpleasant. “This Brother Joshua, he’s an expert as well! He doesn’t need to beat the shit out of you to get rid of your demons. He’ll come here, say a couple prayers, maybe flick some holy water at you, and within an hour or two, you’ll be living free of demons. I think we gotta try this. I mean… it’s an exorcism for five dollars. What could possibly go wrong?!”
Cid looked down at his feet and took a moment to once again consider Clyde’s words. He had a point. It might be easier to get this process done without receiving a concussion at the hands of a mysterious Japanese man. Perhaps this holy method would be a more rational approach. He nodded and looked up at Clyde. “All right. Call Brother Joshua. Grab my wallet. We’re about to make this five dollar demon our bitch.”
Brother Joshua stepped out of his car and looked up at the abomination that was the mountain house of Cid Turner. He sighed and lightly tugged at his clergy collar. After the twenty minute drive up the dangerous mountain path with the only light source being his high beams, he knew this was going to be a tough job. This is the life he chose to live, though. He grabbed a large black bag from the passenger’s side and slung it over his shoulder before shutting the driver’s door and making his way towards the front door.
Cid snuck a look out of the window and saw Joshua walking from his car. He bolted away and headed towards the same front door, running into Elizaveta, his Russian mail-order bride of nearly six years. She smiled politely as he came to a stop in front of her. “He’s here! Be respectful, Liz!”
“Hello!” she replied excitedly. Despite living in America for several years, she still only knew a handful of words in the English language. She was at least a good carer and good company, despite both the language barrier and the failure to consummate the marriage.
“More respectful, damn it! Where’s Clyde?” On cue, Clyde came rushing in from another room, wielding a small handgun. “Holy shit!” Cid cried out as Clyde skidded to a stop and put his hands on his knees, breathing heavily.
“Sorry,” he blurted out in between breaths, “I just had to grab my glock!”
Cid puts his hands on his head, verging on panic. Clyde was not someone that could be trusted with a firearm, but he had to imagine a man of faith wouldn’t want to walk into a house with a madman wielding a deadly weapon. “Why the hell do you have a gun?!” Cid asked.
“If the demon comes out, I’m not letting it take any of us,” Clyde explained, now standing tall, trying his best to put on a fearless demeanor. “I’m shooting that asshole right in the heart!”
Cid wasn’t even sure how to reply. He began to dare to attempt a reply but was interrupted by a knock on the door. He looked back in horror before quickly turning back to Clyde. “Put that thing away, you psycho!” Clyde obeyed, tucking it in the front of his pants and covering it with his shirt. “Oh, Jesus Christ, please don’t shoot your dick off,” Cid mumbled, mostly to himself despite the advice going towards his student. He took another look at Clyde. He looked like the most pathetic excuse of a gangster ever. “Both of you, stand up straight and show the proper respect to our guest!”
“Yes, sir!” Clyde said as he stood up straight with his hands clasped behind his back. Elizaveta remained the same, which was good enough in Cid’s eyes.
Cid took a breath and went to open one of the massive double doors that functioned as the front door of his palace. He pulled back on the handle with all of his strength, only just managing to get the door unlatched. It wasn’t budging any further. “Clyde! Help!”
Clyde broke his polite stance and ran over to grab hold of the free space on the handle, also pulling back with all of his might. Together, the two managed to slowly pull the door back, leaving just enough space for Brother Joshua to squeeze through. He came in and looked around the huge welcoming hall. “Welcome to my home!” Cid said while straining, opening the door just a bit more before giving up.
Suddenly, Brother Joshua jolted back. “Oh!” he cried out, prompting everyone else to flinch. “Oh, my. There’s a coldness lingering in this domain,” he declared, his voice soft and calming. He briefly shivered. “We’re not alone. There’s definitely a presence here.”
Cid’s jaw dropped. “Whoa. This guy’s good,” he said in complete amazement, forgetting that they were all in the highest mountains of Colorado, which could explain why it was freezing. “Well worth the five dollars so far. Welcome to my home, father.”
Joshua looked back at him in confusion. The puzzled look on his face only intensified as he finally saw Cid’s hairy, manky face. Who was this mountain man? “Father?” Joshua asked.
“Oh. Brother?” Cid gestured towards the man’s collar.
Joshua looked down at the collar. “Oh. Oh! Yes. Well, no. I mean, yes,” he kind of answered. Gone was the soft timbre of his voice, now making way for something more pedestrian. “Um. Call me Brother Joshua. Or Josh, if you prefer!”
Cid laughed and gave Joshua a slap on the back. “That’s okay! I sometimes forget my titles as well. I’ve been a king, a God, a champion… I’ve been it all! You can call me Cid. This is my good friend Clyde and my Russian wife Elizaveta.”
Joshua stepped up to Clyde and bowed his head forward slightly. “Pleasure to meet you,” he said softly, his calming tone once again returning.
Clyde bowed back, much deeper than Joshua. “And you, sensei,” he said as he returned upright. Cid shook his head.
Joshua went and bowed to Elizaveta, who had a forced smile on her face. “Pleasure to meet you, miss.”
“Hello,” Elizaveta said cheerfully. “I’m Elizaveta!”
“Oh, don’t bother,” Cid interjected, gesturing towards Elizaveta. “She’s not from here. She has no idea what’s happening.”
Joshua smiled politely while looking Elizaveta up and down. “Hm. Lovely.”
Clyde stepped forward and stuck his hand out. He couldn’t contain his excitement any longer. He had to greet Joshua once again. “Your honor, it’s… an honor to meet you!”
Cid rolled his eyes as Joshua shook Clyde’s hand, still smiling. “Thank you, my son— oh. My brother. Thank you, Brother Clyde.”
Clyde broke the handshake and had what could only be described as a stupid smile on his face. “Brother Clyde… that sounds awesome.”
“Yes. Quite,” said Joshua, turning to Cid. “Shall we begin?”
“Sure thing,” said Cid as he stepped forward and went to grab Joshua’s bag. “Want me to hold your bag for you?”
Joshua jerked back and pulled the bag into his chest. “NO!” he shouted. Everyone looked on in concern at the outburst. Joshua eased his grip and cleared his throat. “Sorry. I mean… no. These are holy tools. They can’t be tainted by dark hands. Please, let’s just get to wherever you’d like to do this.”
“Oh… okay. Well, I’ll get the door,” Cid said with a nod. He went back to the door and started pushing it closed. It didn’t budge. He put his shoulder up against it and pushed as hard as he could, his legs flailing about underneath him. After several seconds of looking like a buffoon, he pushed himself off of the still very much open door and started to head the other way. “Fuck it. We’ll leave it. Let’s go.”
Joshua stood in the bedroom of Cid, wanting desperately to ask why his bed resembled that of a wrestling ring, what with the four ‘ring’ posts, all connected by a single rope, but he knew that he had a job to do. He stood above Cid, looking down at the ragged man as he sat at the end of the bed. “Brother Cid, I’m going to ask you a series of questions to fully determine what we’re dealing with here.”
Clyde – who was standing in the corner with Elizaveta – jumped in before Cid could even nod in response. “It’s a demon! We’re gonna kill this bitch, Josh!”
Cid sighed and looked up towards Joshua. “Go on.”
“Okay,” Joshua continued, “so we already know that a presence lingers here, as proven by the sickening chill in the air. To get a better idea of what’s residing within you, there’s a few things I have to know. Have you recently had a lack of appetite?”
Cid looked down at his gut. He had gained over twenty pounds during the brief break after Rise to Greatness after several sessions of depression eating. “Well… not at the moment… but I did awhile ago! I kind of messed up at my job and I didn’t feel like eating for days.”
“What about after that?”
“There were doughnuts,” confessed Cid. “Many of them.”
Joshua nodded. “I see. Have you had any changes in your body recently? Like a, uh… change of posture, any facial tics, anything like that?”
“Oh my God,” said Cid, looking like a light bulb just went off inside his head. “Yes. Six years ago, I almost became paralyzed.”
“Um… anything a bit more recent?”
“Recent? Hm…” he looked up and scratched his chin, trying to find further proof of this unholy possession. He scrunched his face up and tilted his head while looking back at Joshua. “Honestly? I feel like I lean slightly to the left.”
“And this is a recent development?”
“Sure,” he replied, shrugging.
“Okay,” Joshua said with a slight nod before continuing. “Kind of along the same line, have you had a change in voice at all?”
“Oh. Definitely deeper,” Cid said confidently, despite having no evidence of the statement.
“Ever find yourself speaking in tongues?”
“Hah! I’m always up in tongues, homie,” he answered with a wink. He blocked his mouth from view of Elizaveta, despite her not understanding English. “Don’t tell my Russian wife though, eh?”
Joshua stared at him blankly, blinking a couple of times. Elizaveta continued to force a smile on her face, the same expression she had held for the last hour. Clyde looked on guard. He was desperate to finally put his firearm to use. Joshua shook his head and tried to move on. “Right. Okay. This is sounding quite troubling, Brother Cid. Last question, have you had any objects in your manor suddenly levitate into the air, with no assistance whatsoever?”
“Um… no.”
Clyde suddenly chimed in, leading to Joshua turning back towards him. “Wait! Dude, we have had levitation! It’s finally explained!”
“Clyde, what the hell are you talking about?” Cid groaned while throwing his head back.
“Dude. The other day, my boxers fell off the clothesline… and instead of dropping straight to the ground, they kind of just floated down to the ground, real slow-like,” Clyde explained, trying his best to make it sound as spooky as possible. “It looked demonic, I’m telling you!”
Joshua realized that he was dealing with two idiots, but he couldn’t let that get in the way of the job. If anything, it could help him get the job done. He turned back around and faced Cid, looking for some sort of confirmation of Clyde’s story. Cid once again shrugged. “Sounds legit.”
Joshua nodded. He had heard all he needed to hear. “Well, Brother Cid, I can safely say that you have a diabolic possession that I intend to rid you of.”
Cid clapped his hands together and followed it up with a fist pump. “I knew it!” he exclaimed happily. He finally found the answer to all of these unfortunate questions that have plagued him for years. He was possessed. Once this demon was out, everything would finally go back to normal. He could almost shed a tear of happiness at the thought of leaving this personal hell behind.
Joshua turned to both Clyde and Elizaveta, who looked on in great anticipation. Well, Clyde did, anyway. “You two,” he said with a two-fingered point.
“Hello! I’m Elizaveta!” said the innocent Russian bride, spouting off what had basically become her catchphrase.
“Yes. We’ve met. Now, I’ll have to ask the both of you to please exit the room. In fact, make sure you’re on the complete opposite side of the house. Trust me, it’s for your own safety.” He made his way around them both and put a hand on each of their backs, gently pushing them towards the door. “Thank you.”
“Wait,” Clyde protested as he reluctantly made his way to the exit, “what if the demon comes out? I have to be here to protect us all!”
“Please, Brother Clyde, leave this to me. I promise to take care of your friend. Again, make sure to be as far away as possible.” They both made their way out, putting their trust in Joshua to rid Cid of the demon. Joshua gently shut the door behind them as they exited the room. He turned around and made his way back to Cid, who was still sitting on the end of the bed, now looking a bit shell shocked. “What’s the matter, Brother Cid?”
Cid took a noticeably shaky breath. “I’m scared, man. I want this thing out of me, but I’m scared.”
“I understand, but always remember that God is by your side, so you can live without fear!”
Cid’s initial reaction was a look of disgust, but he tried his best to snuff it out in order to not offend his new savior. “Well… let’s do it, then.”
Meanwhile, on the outside of the bedroom, Clyde disobeyed the direct orders of Joshua as he chose to sit outside of Cid’s bedroom on a couch rather than go to the opposite side of the house as instructed. He invited Elizaveta to sit next to him with a tap on the couch. She took a seat next to him and started digging in her pocket as Clyde whispered in her ear. “We can’t listen to that guy. We have to be here just in case that demon comes out. I’m packin’ heat and I’m ready to use it to defend my best friend!”
Elizaveta pulled a rolled up magazine out of her pocket and opened it up in the middle, resuming where she left off earlier in the day. She simply nodded in response to Clyde.
“Hey, you know you can just go on the internet to read stuff like that? They got everything on there. That’s where I bought the discarded fetuses to heal Cid’s spine,” he said as Elizaveta continued to read. “You know internet, right? In-ter-net! I know you understand me. Even Russians know internet!”
Joshua reached into his black bag and pulled out some white rope. He walked back to the bed, where Cid lay on his back, both legs and arms outstretched to the four corners. Joshua took his right arm and started to tie it to the bedpost. As he did so, he continued to speak as gently as possible. “This is to protect both you and I.”
Cid nodded and took another deep breath, trying his best to stay calm. He looked down at the end of the bed as Joshua moved on to his right leg, beginning to tie that as well. “I understand. Thank you, Brother Joshua. I have to tell you, this means so much to me. I left my job a long time ago, almost ten years ago. Wow. Ten years…” he said as Joshua moved on to his left leg. “I thought I was making the right move, but I was so wrong. I left the company and I left behind a part of me. I left SCW, completely stripped of my identity. I lost myself and could never find my way back to the real me. I think that once this is all said and done, I can find myself once again. I just wanna be whole again. I just wanna be free of this turmoil, man. I just wanna be free.”
Joshua moved on to Cid’s left arm, his final free limb. He brought it up to the bedpost and began tying them together. “When freedom and peace are revealed, God’s light never goes out,” he said, almost without emotion. With Cid bound, there was a sudden tone shift within his voice.
Cid shrugged as much as he could under the circumstances. “I’m not sure what that means, man, but I’ll keep it in mind. Maybe I’ll find religion through this. Actually, you know what? I’m going to commit right here, right now. Get this son of a bitch out of me and I’ll join your flock!”
“That sounds excellent, Brother Cid,” Joshua replied, once again rather dryly. He finished up with Cid’s last free limb and went back over to his bag. He pulled out a cheap cloth, stretching it open in full. He went back to Cid and put it over his eyes and began to tie it behind his head.
“Um… I can’t see. What is this?”
“Brother Cid, this is to shield you from seeing something that you’ll have trouble comprehending,” said Joshua as he tied the cloth on tight. “We – as mere mortal men – were not meant to experience these things. What’s going to transpire here tonight could easily break your mind and I have no intention of letting that happen. I’m here to rid you of this evil influence.”
Cid wanted to let Joshua know that he’s actually enshrined in the hall of immortals as a member of the SCW Hall of Fame, but he thought better of nitpicking at a time like this. “I see. Thank you for considering my brain, my friend,” he said with a smile. While his anxiety was steadily rising, he took some comfort in the calm presence of this five dollar exorcist.
Joshua finished up and stepped back, looking over the scene to make sure everything was secure. Cid was bound and blinded. Joshua reached back into his bag and pulled out the final item that was resting inside. A water bottle. He opened it up and took a quick sip before pouring a bit into his right hand, letting the excess spill to the carpet. “Okay, Brother Cid. Let’s begin,” he said as he flicked his hand towards Cid, splashing small bits of water onto his face and body.
“What the hell is that?!” Cid asked, flinching with every volley of water droplets. With his vision gone, he imagined a number of terrible things that could be happening to him in the moment. For all he knew, he was getting pissed on by the devil himself.
“Holy water,” lied Joshua. He took another sip of water before dropping it to the ground, letting the remaining water slowly spill out onto the carpet. He reached for his bag and began to look around the room, taking his time. It was mostly empty due to Cid moving most of his memorabilia out recently. He began to walk towards one end of the room. “Oh, God, pardon all the sins of your… unworthy servant. Give me constant faith…” he continued, making his way to one of Cid’s nightstands. He quietly opened it and took a look inside. “… and power, so that – armed with the power of Your holy strength – I can attack this cruel, evil spirit…” he trailed off as he reached into the open drawer and pulled out a laptop. Score, he thought. No charger? He looked around the nightstand, eventually seeing the unplugged charger on the floor. He put the laptop in his bag and quickly did the same with the charger. “… in confidence and security.”
As he finished speaking, he stuck out his hand and rested his palm against Cid’s forehead. “Ah!” Cid shrieked, sinking further into the bed as he tried his best to pull away from the touch. This was becoming too much for him.
“Relax, Brother Cid. It’s only me,” he said as he peeled his hand off of Cid’s sweaty forehead. He continued as he moved to the fireplace, where Cid’s throne sat before he burned it on stage at Rise to Greatness. Joshua looked on the mantle above the fireplace as he continued to speak. “Jesus Christ, Virgin Mary, uh…” he trailed off once again as a few of the mementos caught his eye. A few championship belts. He couldn’t tell if they were legit or not, but they looked good. He shrugged and started to slide them all into the bag.
Cid raised his head and instinctually looked around the room despite being blindfolded. “Um… are you still there?”
“Huh? Oh, right,” Joshua said, quickly looking back at Cid. Still bound, he confirmed to himself. He turned back to the mantle. “Where was I?”
“Virgin Mary…?”
“Right! Christ, Mary, all y’all saints. Uh… please, aid me in this holy endeavor,” Joshua proceeded as he continued to scout the mantle. There were a series of photos, some action shots, some professional shoots. He had to look closely to tell, but it seemed to be a young Cid Turner. All of these moments in his life, documented. He sighed and set the bag down. He wasn’t a total monster. He quietly started opening up one of the frames and took out the photo, setting it face down on the mantle. He then put the frame into the bag.
“… hello?” Cid quietly called out.
“Oh, sorry, Brother Cid,” he said as he started the process of taking out all of the photos from their frames. “I’m simply waiting for Christ, Mary, and all the saints to arrive. I believe they’re here. Now, we’ll call out this foul beast within you.”
Cid started breathing fast and heavy. This was it. It was time to face this problem head-on. “Oh, man. I’m so scared!”
Joshua was already on the fourth picture. He quickly inspected the frame. They looked expensive enough. “I exorcise you, unclean spirit,” he began again, sounding mostly disinterested at this point as he continued to get the photo out of the frame. “Evil spirit. In the name of Our Lord Jesus Christ, be uprooted and expelled from this creature of God.”
“Oh, man. Ohh, man,” Cid said as he squirmed around on the bed. Joshua was glad to see that the cheap rope was holding. “Leave, you evil little bitch! Nobody possesses Cid Turner and gets away with it! We expel thee!”
As he put the final frame into his bag, he couldn’t help but lightly laugh, trying his best to stifle it. He took another look around the room and realized he was running out of options. It was time to move on to a different room. He could probably clear two more rooms before anyone noticed. A shame, given that he was in a ridiculous mansion with what could be twenty rooms, but scoring the laptop more than paid for the gas it took to get up the mountain. “That’s right, demon. We expel thee. Now, Brother Cid, join me in focusing on getting this devil out through sheer willpower. For the next several minutes, we’ll sit in silence and focus all of our quiet might into getting this beast out of you. Starting… now.”
Cid bit down on his lower lip, trying his best to focus his ‘quiet might’. Joshua, meanwhile, headed for the exit. He spotted Cid’s clock/radio on the other nightstand. He tilted his head and squinted at it. Ah, fuck it, might get a few bucks out of it, he thought as he went to grab it. He picked it up and headed back to the exit. He grabbed the doorknob and gently opened it, looking back at Cid to make sure he could get out unnoticed. Across from the door, however, were Clyde and Elizaveta, still sitting on the couch.
Clyde shot up with a look of deep concern on his face. “Cid! Is Cid okay?! Hey, why do you have his clock from Ikea?” Clyde asked as Elizaveta continued to read her magazine.
Joshua stopped dead in his tracks. “Oh… well, you see, it’s a possessed item,” he tried to explain as Clyde approached him. Joshua tried to keep the bag of valuables out of Clyde’s sight, but failed. “As are these!”
“Hey, what’s going on out there?!” Cid asked, still bound and blind on his bed. “I’m trying to concentrate my quiet might!”
Clyde took a couple seconds to assess the situation. Joshua could almost see the gears turning in his head. Suddenly, Clyde gasped. “Cid! Brother Joshua is robbing us!”
Cid tried to shoot up out of bed, but was immediately pulled back down by the rope. “What?!”
“God damn it,” groaned Joshua as he pushed Clyde to the side.
“Elizaveta!” Clyde shouted as he stumbled towards the wall. He let out a sharp whistle. “Elizaveta! Attack!”
Elizaveta looked up to see a guilty looking Joshua trying to run by her. Clyde assumed that he just broke the language barrier as she threw her magazine to the side and jumped on Joshua’s back, clinging on tightly. Joshua let out a series of yelps as he thrashed around, trying to get Elizaveta off his back.
“Clyde!” Cid cried out from the bedroom. “Get this shit off of me!”
Clyde considered going for Joshua, but couldn’t resist the demands of his master. He shot over to Cid and ripped the blindfold off before starting to untie the rope. He stuck his tongue out slightly and bit down on it in a deep concentration. He was having some obvious trouble. “Damn, this dude must have been in boy scouts! This is a badass knot!”
Cid continued to throw himself around in hopes of getting free. “Hurry up, damn it! He’s got my clock in his hands!”
“He’s got your belts, too!”
“What?! Clyde, hurry the hell up!”
“Screw this,” Clyde said as he pulled his gun out. He aimed it directly against the rope on the bedpost. It was inches away from Cid’s head.
“NO!” Cid screamed. Clyde pulled the trigger with absolutely no remorse. Cid went to cover his ear out of instinct and – much to his surprise – found himself successfully covering his ear with his right hand. He looked at Clyde, who was now aiming at the rope attached to Cid’s right leg. “God damn it, wait,” he said, although it sounded to him like he was underwater.
Clyde seemed to say something in reply, but Cid couldn’t hear it over the shrill ringing in his ears. He pulled the trigger once again, the only comfort being that it wasn’t loud enough to scare the shit out of him twice in a row since he was currently deaf. The tight grip on Cid’s right leg was now gone and he was able to move freely. He quickly reached over to his left arm and started untying the rope himself in order to avoid having another bullet lodged into his bedpost. After getting both hands free, he easily untied the final knot and was now able to get up out of the bed.
“Get the hell off of me!” Joshua shouted, continuing to attempt to break free from Elizaveta’s strong grip. He turned his back to the wall and flung himself into it, crashing Elizaveta hard into a giant painting of Cid himself. Her grip finally broke and she fell to the ground.
Cid stood up and looked just in time to see Elizaveta crash to the ground, his portrait falling on top of her. Clyde suddenly stepped in front of him and planted his legs, spreading them slightly. He held the gun out and assumed the position of an expert shooting stance. Cid once again tried to speak and was pleased to find out that his hearing was slightly restored. “Clyde, don’t shoot this asshole! I’ll be fired if someone is killed on my property!”
Clyde – seemingly in some sort of combat trance – ignored the orders and took a shot at Joshua, once again deafening Cid. Cid immediately closed his eyes and covered his ears, but that only seemed to make the ringing even louder. He opened his eyes and no longer saw Joshua, just a knocked out Elizaveta. There was no blood splatter on the walls, which he considered a small win. Clyde lowered the gun and sprinted after Joshua. Cid yelled a sort of disturbed war cry as he went after Clyde.
Meanwhile, Joshua ran down the stairs, tripping down at the halfway point and sending both himself and his bag of stolen goods flying down the rest of the way. The clock flew to the side and fell off the stairs, hitting the ground and shattering on impact. Cid’s belts fell out of the bag while taking a couple frames with them, all ending up on a pile near the bottom of the stairs. Joshua finally hit the bottom and quickly reached for his bag while wincing. He was in immense pain after falling down the stairs, but couldn’t help but smile as he still saw a couple valuables in the bag, including the laptop. He hastily brought himself to his feet and started limping towards the front door, which was still propped open.
At the top of the stairs, Clyde and Cid appeared. Clyde remained in a combat trance as he jumped up in one fluid motion and slid down the railing of the staircase, reaching the bottom in a flawless manner. Cid looked on in a confused state of horror as Clyde continued to look like a T-1000, briskly walking towards Joshua, who was nearing the front door. Cid quickly made his way down the stairs. “Clyde,” he quietly called out to him, although not purposefully. He still could barely hear anything. He tried his best to be louder. “Clyde! Don’t kill him!”
As Joshua reached the door, Clyde once again assumed the position, looking like he’d been practicing at a shooting range. He pulled the trigger two times, both shots ringing throughout the halls of Cid’s kingdom. Joshua successfully slipped through the front door, two bullet holes appearing in the door beside him as he disappeared. Clyde lowered the gun and once again went after him, quickly squeezing through the door. Cid followed somewhat closely behind.
They got out to the driveway, only to see Joshua’s car driving off into the night. Clyde – without an ounce of emotion shown on his face – shot twice more at the car, but to no avail. Joshua escaped. Cid came from behind and ripped the gun out of Clyde’s hands, throwing it off to the side. It landed and went off, shooting a bullet off randomly into the distance. Cid grabbed Clyde by the shoulders, turned him towards himself, and slapped him. “Snap out of it, you creepy bastard!” Cid shouted. His hearing was mostly restored, though a small ringing remained.
Clyde’s eyes darted around rapidly. He eventually turned his head and looked out into the night, looking perplexed. He looked back at Cid. “I blacked out,” he admitted with a slight sense of fear in his voice. “What happened?”
“What happened?! You fucking shot at someone! Several times! That fake ass priest from Fiverr robbed us!”
“Ohh,” Clyde moaned. He walked towards the end of the driveway where Joshua had just peeled out only moments ago. “Hm,” he quietly hummed. Suddenly, he seemed to lose his balance. The adrenaline had suddenly and completely worn off. “Whoa,” he mumbled as he slowly made his way to the ground, taking a seat and crossing his legs while looking out into the night.
Cid reluctantly took a seat next to him. The silence around them made his ringing ears almost unbearable. “Jesus Christ, man. We need to see if Elizaveta’s alive. You probably accidentally shot her, you maniac,” he said while shaking his head. He looked over at Clyde, who was still staring out into the darkness. He could see the soul in his eyes returning, slowly but surely. He was no longer a killing machine. Cid decided to relent a bit. “Don’t worry about it, Clyde. We’ll give him a bad review on Fiverr. We’ll hit him where it hurts.”
Clyde chuckled lightly, not breaking his gaze from the night sky. He spoke, although his speech was somewhat stilted. “Well. I guess, uh… I guess you should… get that letter to Subarashi. Can’t be any worse than what just happened.”
Cid laughed. Clyde joined in, although he wasn’t even sure why. They shared laughter for several moments, nearly breaking into hysterics. Eventually, the laughter died down. Cid sighed, seemingly out of relief. “You know what? I’m sure Elizaveta is fine,” he guessed. “Probably just got the wind knocked out of her. Let’s just enjoy this view for a bit longer.”
The two continued to stare out into the starry night, both taking a moment to unwind as Elizaveta most likely still laid unconscious under a giant portrait of Cid. It was a beautiful night. He was happy to share it with his friend. Cid may not have expunged the demon from within, but in times like these, sometimes you have to take the small victories. Even if that small victory is celebrating the fact that no one was killed in front of your eyes on a cool September night, deep in the Colorado mountains.
Cid looked at some of the buttons on the video camera. There weren’t many, but to someone as technologically inept as him, it was a vast challenge put before him. “God damn it,” he said with a sigh. “Clyde didn’t really teach me how to work this thing. I was hoping that his commitment to me would overrule his commitment to his indie wrestling gigs, but I guess not. Ah, well,” he said as he turned his head from the camera and to his mail-order wife Elizaveta. “Our kid’s all grown up, huh?”
Elizaveta smiled and nodded. She’d mostly learned to just mimic whatever emotion was being displayed to her. It usually tended to work out decently enough. “Hello!”
“Right,” Cid said, starting to point at the camera. “I need you to take care of this! Press this button.” Elizaveta copied Cid’s gesture, going to hit the record button. Cid took hold of her hand, possibly the first time he’d done so in close to six years of marriage. “No! When I sit,” he explained as he gestured over to the seat in front of the blank canvas, “then you push!”
Cid sauntered over to the seat, watching Elizaveta closely to make sure she didn’t start too early. He took a seat and looked into the camera. Elizaveta smiled blankly at him. He nodded. She nodded back. Several seconds passed. He frustratedly signalled for the button to be pushed, forcefully copying his earlier gesture. Elizaveta carefully stuck her pointer finger out and meticulously pushed the button. The light on the camera came on, much to Cid’s delight. Elizaveta gave a thumbs up, that same smile still planted firmly on her face.
“This SCW Tag League, it’s an interesting concept. As someone who came into the business solely as a tag team competitor, I have to appreciate whenever the tag team division gets some shine, and there’s certainly some shine being given here. I mean, five months? Sixteen teams?! For almost half a year, tag team wrestling will be given the spotlight it deserves, and since I’m going to assume that A/C Unit will be a part of it, I can’t help but look forward to it even more.
That’s the future, though. Here in the present… well, there’s a lot to unpack here. I defeated Crystal Zdunich, but it wasn’t the singles re-debut that I had always imagined. A win is a win, but, well… damn. Then this Sunday at Apocalypse… if you thought five months of tag action between sixteen teams was ridiculous, now we’ve got a ten-person tag team match! Absurd! This has to be the most random assortment of people I’ve ever seen!
Let’s look at who we’re working with here. Asher Hayes. Of course, I’m familiar with Asher. In fact, I’m looking forward to sharing this match with him. I’ve made an effort to make sure that we’re on the same page and getting experienced with one another in and out of the ring, so getting the chance to head a squad like this has to be a unique team building situation. Not to sound too arrogant, but I have to be honest. Despite only having three matches together, we’re the most experienced team within the team. You didn’t see Jay Gold and Kelsai Mason taking on Dark Fantasy at Rise to Greatness, and we’re more used to seeing SpecOps work together as a unit rather than branching off into random teams. So, what do we do? A/C Unit has to step up and inspire, like only we can! The unbreakable bond of our brotherhood will make us strong enough to bring everyone together and overcome these odds! Jay Gold will see us— will be inspired by us and think, ‘wow. I wish I could be on that team full-time,’ but I’m sorry, Jay. J/A/C Unit just doesn’t make sense from a marketing standpoint.
That being said, it feels almost wrong to say this, but… I am slightly looking forward to teaming with you once again. Now, does that mean I’m going to hunt down Mr. Showtime at whatever homeless shelter he’s found himself in so we can get the gang back together and reform Dynasty? Simply put, no. Not so simply put, no thank you I would not like to do that… but I’d be lying if I said this wasn’t nostalgic for me. While it’s not teaming with my brother, it’s real close. I still somewhat remember being at your damn wedding almost twenty years ago, Jay. The sight of a bag of Cheetos in my hand while wearing a tux and watching you and Martha exchange your vows is somehow not yet expunged from my memory, so maybe that means something. Maybe that memory still exists because my brain wants to hold on to as many happy memories as it can at this point. Maybe you’re not just an annoying remnant of my past, but an actual important reminder of friendship in my life. Who knows? Either way, I hope our brief reunion will bring something out of you that Asher brought out of me. A purpose.
Now, A/C Unit may be leading the charge due to our experience together, but I can at least fall back on the fact that Jay and Kelsai have found themselves on the same side recently, so maybe there’s something there. Kelsai Adamson-Mason,” he said with a sigh. “Where do I even begin? A girl so nice, they named her thrice. I’m not going to pretend I know you or whoever we get from SpecOps, because I really don’t. All I can suggest is that you look at this match as a great opportunity. You’re young. Really young, which explains your outlook on life. You’re getting into the ring with four veterans in the business. In the case of SpecOps, they’re real veterans. Like, in the trenches. As in, they’ve fought in wars. Now, these sound like metaphors, but they’re not. These guys are military, straight up. So, when you get in the ring with all of us, just soak it in. Don’t overthink it. You may be on a bad streak at the moment, but when you step into the ring with us, you’ll see to handle these lulls in life. No, not therapy. You get into the ring with nine other people and beat the hell out of one another. Enjoy it, Kelsai.
As for whoever we get from SpecOps, I welcome them. It’s not every day you get to team with people who can bring actual, real-life strategy to the fold. Hell, bring that big ass old dude with you. I’m down to sit on big boy’s lap and be told some war stories. It can only help us as a team, to see what real experience looks like. Hell, we might even meet in the Tag League, guys. This match will show us a lot about each other. All that I ask is that you wait until after the match to take us out for waterboarding.
Now that I’ve given us all a pep talk, we should probably talk about what we’re going up against at Apocalypse. It’s—” Suddenly, Elizaveta walked into frame, slowly stepping sideways to Cid’s side. “— not going to be a cakewalk out there. We—” Cid stopped upon hearing some light shuffling off to the side. He looked back at Elizaveta, doing a double take. Elizaveta smiled while looking directly into the camera. Cid quickly got up and shooed her off. “No,” he said with a sharp whisper. “Stay behind! Elizaveta. Stay behind,” he repeated, pointing beyond the camera. He shook his head and sat back down.
“Now, it’s not gonna be a cakewalk out there! Again, I’m wondering what the hell Sasha was thinking putting all of these people together, but despite the complete randomness of the opposing team, they’re certainly a notable unit. I mean, they even have a semi-successful tag team on their side, much like our side!
Most Valuable Friendship. I’d like to think that title better represents Asher and I, but hey, I’m glad that someone here is at least pretending to be friends instead of blatantly hating one another! Two interesting personalities. In fact, I’d say Gavin Taylor reminds me of a young Canadian me! I guess we can expect him to eventually turn on Aubrianna Powers and show up ten years later looking like a complete shell of himself! That’s something to worry about later, though. What we have now is two impressive talents, both in the process of making a name for themselves here in SCW, and Aubrianna even got her ‘perfect debut’ that she’s been craving since before I even came back, which may not make perfect sense, but bear with me here. I hate to say it, but you’re both due for the sophomore slump here. It’s just what happens. You come into high school, young and excited, you’re doing well, you have your moment… but then what? You just can’t live up to those expectations you set before. This is the problem with your ‘perfect debut’. You’ve set yourself up for future failure. You should have been like me, spending years being irrelevant before making a splash! That way, your big moment looks even bigger when it happens!
And while we’re speaking of failure, I suppose we should stick on the topic by coming around to Clyde Sutter. ‘The New Executioner’. ‘The Assassin’! All self-proclaimed, clearly. Look, I’m not even sure why you’re here. You’re clearly a monster— a real powerhouse. That’s clear from just the limited action I’ve seen you in, but does it really mean anything if you set these goals for yourself just to get in your own way every time? Man, I don’t know. I think you might be here against your will. Are you okay, Clyde? Is this Van Stanton character holding you hostage? I can only assume that you’re a brute savant. Especially the moments you have Van Stanton speak on your behalf. Really, that just makes me worry even more about you. He’s out here saying that you’re going to destroy your own tag partners in this match if you’re not in a good mood. Clyde. Listen. The point of this sport is to compete with others and try your best to win. If all you do is run around and beat the hell out of everyone and then lose every match in between it all, there’s no point in being here. You can’t get to the pay window if you’ve massacred your own teammates, Clyde. If you need a new handler, I’m sure Asher and I could find you a place in A/C Unit. We’d love a bodyguard.
Maybe the most interesting part of this match is Subarashi being involved. Why? Well, why not? I guess. Sure! Let’s make things interesting! We’re shaking things up here in SCW, with this new initiative! Actually, this makes sense. Maybe once Clyde has an episode in this match, he’ll butt heads with Subarashi. Maybe Subarashi can knock Sutter so silly that he’ll suddenly become a functioning member of society. So, hey, maybe Subi’s appearance here has real reason behind it. Regardless, I’m looking forward to seeing a demon slaying, live in person. You usually have to pay for this kind of stuff! We’re getting to see these weirdos in action, up close!
Lastly, we have the biggest weirdo. Giovanni Aries. I have to say, this will be my favorite part of the match. Now, now, Gio. Where have you been? Did you not care about what happened to your ‘family’, Cain and Alice? You left them all alone and they walked straight into defeat. I mean, if you were there, it could have gone so differently! They could have skipped all that wrestling and just went straight to being on their backs to eat the pin, just like you taught them. What a brilliant message that sent. I can at least say you’re consistent, since you also did the job to Owen. If The Wonderland’’s mission is to consistently lose to the Cruze Clan, then… mission accomplished. Now you’re back from your special extended post-RTG break and you’re spewing the same crap you were before you left, and look where that got you. If you need a reminder of what talk gets you, then we’ll be happy to show you at Apocalypse.
I think a lot of people are unsure about this match. Maybe even the people in the match aren’t sure of it. Once you’re in that ring though, it doesn’t matter. That was proven at Rise to Greatness in The Brawl to Settle it All. You get to that moment, you’re going to put everything on the line, because that’s just what we do. So, yeah, I may not get along with Jay. I may not know Kelsai or anyone from SpecOps. Once we all get in that ring though, an unbreaking bond will be forged. For just one night, we’ll all come together to get the job done. J for Jay. A for Asher. C for Cid. K for Kelsai. S for SpecOps. Apocalypse 2020 will forever be known as the night The JACKS in the Box came together for a one time special and raised hell.”
THE RISE OF THE FALLEN KING 